Long before I was pregnant I knew that I would be breastfeeding my child. (Or at least attempting) I know it is not the right choice for every Mom but for me I knew it was. My Mom bf all 4 of her children, my mother in law all 5 of hers, and my sister in laws have all bf as well. No shortage of boob flashing in our families! Ha! In all seriousness though I can assume that if I hadn't even tried I would've had a few heart to hearts from family members to change my mind. I went to the class at St. Elizabeth's and learned all kinds of valuable information. I also quizzed family members and friends and started reading a few books. I was nervous but wanted to be prepared for anything. One of my biggest fears was honestly not being able to successfully breastfeed my child. What if I didn't produce enough milk? What if she wouldn't latch properly? What if I was uncomfortable doing it in front of anyone?
My breastfeeding journey began minutes after precious Lainey was born. I attempted to feed her before her length and weight was even checked. It didn't go so well. She was screaming while I tried shoving my huge boob in her tiny little mouth. It was pretty awkward to say the least. I think I just kept saying "I'm not so sure she likes me yet." Eventually she was whisked away so they could do all those things they do right after a baby is born. My parents and sister who so patiently had waited until 1 am to see her came in and we had a short visit. I didn't want to run them off but I was ready to attempt feeding her again (privately). I know everyone says your modesty goes out the window after having children but.... I still didn't want to be flashing my Mom & Dad. Now as I write this 6 months later many people have seen me feed my child too many times to count. The modesty does go away but for me it still took a little time.
Once Rhett & I were moved to a postpartum room and Lainey had gone to the nursery we rested. But only for a couple hours because guess what.....time for baby to eat again. Breastfeeding can be demanding, frustrating, tiresome, but oh so rewarding. In the hospital you have to keep track of what time, how long your baby eats and which side she ate from. Blah blah once I got home it was basically feed baby when she cried. Amen! I didn't watch the clock or wear a special bracelet to remind me which side to feed on. I feel pretty darn lucky though because Lainey was an awesome newborn. She slept every three hours religiously through the nights and day. She thoroughly made up for her awesome sleep habits from newborn to 4 months during her 5th and 6th months of age. (When she slept like crap) I remember as we were getting ready to be discharged from the hospital my arms were quite sore. At first I thought it was from pulling on the towel during my labor but then soon realized it was from holding my baby in my arms and feeding her.
In the first few days of being at home it was a whirlwind of visitors, adjustments, and getting a routine. I was so anxious for my milk to come in. My Mom was standing right next to me in the living room, Lainey was crying and I looked down to see that my shirt was sopping wet. I seriously started screaming like a lunatic. Those first couple weeks were rough. I don't know if this is normal for everyone in the beginning or if she just wasn't latching correctly but lasinoh nipple cream was my best friend. And then all of a sudden we got the hang of it and the cream was no longer needed. It was hard and exhausting but rocking your sweet baby to sleep while she nurses is a special thing. Now 7 months later I still rock her to sleep. This is probably not the smartest method to put your child to bed but it is ours and it works. (Most of the time) At moments I wish I was sleeping in my own bed not rocking in a recliner, I wish I could have a solid night of 8 hours sleep, I wish Rhett could put her back to bed at 2 am when she wakes up crying, but also in these moments my sweet baby wants ME-her Mommy and only ME. The thought of her getting bigger and not needing me to go to sleep just makes me sad.
In the beginning breastfeeding in public was very difficult for me. When you have huge boobs you just can't be discrete. I'd have to say venturing out was planned around Lainey sleeping which also meant she was not eating=win win for Mom. As any bf mother has done their have been some crazy places my child has been fed. Janitors closet at my cousins baby shower, top row bleachers at my sisters basketball game, in the car, in the booth at red robin. A baby's gotta eat just like anyone else! It does get easier for sure and I have become more confident in doing what just needs to be done. Just for the record I do prefer the company of my own recliner and dogs at my feet instead of being in public.
One rant I have to get out of the way is buying nursing bras. I don't know why stores feel the need to only stock itty bitty sized bras but their are some people in this world who are not size extra small in the bust department. C'mon people get it together!!! I have since found that cotton babies (a cloth diaper store) carries nursing bras in bigger sizes. Hallelujah! The people that work there are so nice as well. I highly recommend going there.
Another big step with breastfeeding is the transition back to work. Being committed to pumping is a job in itself. I spent the $ and bought a nice electric double pump medella. My insurance wouldn't pay for it which sucked but oh well. Getting the hang of that thing was interesting and educational. Pumping at work just became part of the daily routine for me. I work alone majority of the time also so at busy times finding those 15 minutes was a challenge. Eventually the time came when pumping no longer became a part of my life and for that I was thankful. Around 11 months started giving whole milk to Lainey. Their were several weeks during months 8,9,10 that I was seriously stressing big time whether or not I could pump enough to keep up with her needs. At home when nursing their were no issues but my pumping supply just kept decreasing as time went on. I had a good freezer stash built up in the beginning but eventually it dwindled and she would just drink fresh what I pumped the previous day. Next kid I am going to build up as much as possible in the beginning. You live and you learn.
Now the time has come and our breastfeeding journey has ended. Drumroll....tears, sniffling, more tears. For about a week evenings really sucked big time in our house. She pretty well weaned herself from day feedings just as time passed on so that was no big deal. Bed time completely different story. Daddy came to the rescue for several nights. I honestly didn't know how to put her to bed without nursing her to sleep. It took about a week and then one night it happened. She just crawled up in my lap, we rocked in her chair, and all of a sudden I had a sleeping baby. That moment was so odd to me. It didn't feel right or normal. I was still feeding her in the mornings when she would wake up like 5 or 6ish. That was still our snuggle time. Also during this week period Lainey became sick with a stomach bug. A puking baby not feeling good is a horrible time to wean but when I started the process she was fit as a fiddle. That one night I did give in and fed her whenever just because I knew how bad she felt. Yesterday morning -a Friday- just a regular old day for anyone was her last day to nurse. It wasn't special by any means just a quick few minutes and then she fell back asleep in my arms. I think secretly I didn't want it to end because I knew it was the END. At my workout session the moment I began to talk about it the tears started streaming down my face. Today when Lainey woke up I wasn't there to snuggle and tomorrow will be the same as I work all weekend. Monday I begin the Advocare Cleanse so I will be unable to nurse her because of the products I will be using. The time is definitely right but that doesn't make it any less emotional. When you do something every single day for 14 months and 11 days it is hard to let go. Now it is time for this Momma to get healthy because we all know what the future holds eventually.....another baby and more nursing!
